


how rare and beautiful

by wishuponastar



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Divergence - Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Endgame, Everyone Is Alive, F/M, M/M, Minor Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers, Peter and Bucky are friends because I want them to be and I make the rules, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Post-Canon Fix-It
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-21
Updated: 2019-07-18
Packaged: 2020-03-06 16:18:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18854620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wishuponastar/pseuds/wishuponastar
Summary: Peter learns to cope as Tony Stark falls into a coma.





	1. Chapter 1

Life after war is not easy on anyone. 

Peter came to understand that as he stood in front of his mentor, the one living being who was supposed to be invincible. In reality, Tony Stark had never felt like a person to him. Under the armor and under such power and strength, under snark and a bad boy persona, a very human heart beat within. 

Peter hated that. 

As he stared at Tony's broken shell of a body, he felt like a screaming. That wasn't how it was supposed to go. He had dealt with loss first hand in his own family, had to cope with the idea of his own possible downfall, but it was never supposed to happen to Iron Man. Surrounded by a family Peter never expected to build, he felt his own heart shattering inside his chest.

He would soon come to find out that Tony had a little girl. 

The sweet little thing was certainly his pride and joy. It didn't take a genius to figure that out and somehow that notion only hurt more. Tony hadn't sacrificed himself only for the sake of humanity, but because of her. The one thing in his world that would shatter his mechanical heart if taken away.

"Tony." He heard Pepper's voice crack. A silent plea, a desperate attempt to ask him to stay. Her desperation was obvious in her voice and heads turned around him, unsure of what to do. Should they help her up? Should they gently remove her, carry her somewhere safer? Peter certainly did not hold the answer. As the world melted into ash around him, he stared at the stones. Could any of them do the same? Put the greater good ahead of their own selfish hopes and dreams and desires? 

The what if's were maddening. Peter felt choked up, angry, broken. The mix of emotions managed to feel worse than he ever expected, a melted, blended smoothie of nastiness. "Pepper." Rhodes finally spoke, resting a metal hand on her shoulder. Among some of the most powerful beings in the universe, his best friend was the first to approach the loss. How appropriate. "We should go. They are bringing a ship, we'll carry him to safety." He explained and Steve agreed. Somewhere, Rocket and Quill were handling the situation. Peter still couldn't move, unable to even look up. It was such a ridiculous difference compared to the first time he witnessed anything of that sort. A ship was interesting, of course, but he doubted he would care much even if a flying elephant landed in front of his very eyes. 

"F.R.I.D.A.Y?" Pepper asked once more. 

A beat. One second, followed by a cracking, almost distressed sound. The suit was almost a living part of Tony and hearing her discomfort was obviously troubling to all of them, Pepper most of all. 

"Heartbeat detected."


	2. Chapter 2

Wakanda was beautiful. As Peter stared out the large glass windows, he could see himself falling in love with the new world. It was jaw-dropping and if it wasn't for his friends and family, he would beg T'Challa to stay. He had a feeling the king was slightly annoyed at his chasing him around like a puppy dog, desperate to find out more. Okoye had given him a death glare after the first hour and a half of questions and Peter was milking every second he had with the king until the same was bound to happen. 

Grabbing a chair, Shuri gestured at him to follow and began to explain technicalities that went way over Peter's head. Even to someone who had managed to hack his own million dollar suit, the new world around him was a bit much. Pepper had left to have a much needed night of sleep, so he was left alone with the girl. Peter didn't mind at all, using the time he had in his hands to chomp down information as if it was candy. They also listened to music, talked a bit about their experiences and how odd it felt to return after five years. Shuri had lived through much of the same and it helped strengthen the bond between them. Sure, their age also made conversation easier, but at times Peter felt as if she also felt the strange sense of loss, of no longer having a proper foot to stand. 

It would take time, he had accepted that by now. After almost a month making sure that May could hug him to her heart's content, coming to Wakanda felt right. Jumping straight back to his old life had been a punch to the gut when he wanted to be closer to Mr. Stark. His aunt had joked that Pepper had become something of a second mother to the boy and he blushed a bit. He knew Mr. Stark would never accept to be seen as something of a father figure, so he brushed her off and told her that he needed to be there as Spider-Man, that it was his duty to stand beside the man who had saved him in more ways than one. 

May hadn't been thrilled. Understandable. It took Peter every bit of convincing he had in him to manage to win her over, especially since there wasn't exactly a date back on his ticket. Hell, he didn't even have a ticket and returning home from Wakanda wasn't the most simple process in the world. He knew he could count on the people around him and that was enough, knowing that the second he felt like returning, his new family would deal with it. Take care of him. 

"When do you think he's going to wake up?" 

Peter asked that a lot. His routine was almost the same every single day. Wake up, have breakfast, annoy the Wakandan royalty and ask about Mr. Stark's recovery. Shuri's raised brow showed exactly how unimpressed she was and Peter slouched against his seat. "If I knew, don't you think I would have started our conversation with that?" She chuckled and Peter huffed. Since stretched for a split second before Shuri turned away from the bed, moving her rolling chair to his direction. "You two were that close?"

It was clear by her careful glance that she wasn't sure she could even ask that question. Iron Man's coma had hit the entire group like a pile of bricks, but some members seemed to take it harder than others. It was normal and she didn't judge at all, knowing that the man would want life to go on. 

"I..." He started, but couldn't build a proper answer in his brain or out loud. Were they? "No. Uh... Not really, no." In reality, he could probably count in two hands the amount of time him and Mr. Stark had spent in the same room since the parking lot where he was forced to fight Captain America. 

Shuri was intrigued. "Mentor?"

Peter averted his gaze. Was that all he was? It was probably selfish to want more. Most people would give a limb to even spend time with the Avengers and there he was, wishing that he could have more. Having Mr. Stark's friendship was probably impossible and he knew as much. "I guess, yeah." Peter shrugged. "He made my suit. And invited me to be his intern." He explained and Shuri didn't seem convinced. 

"You don't spend a month visiting someone at the hospital every single day only because they gave you a job." She said and Peter was starting to dislike just how smart she was. He wanted to dissect her brain and every bit of information in it, but her too big of a brain also made it hard to really lie convincingly. 

Peter stared at Mr. Stark's sleeping body. He seemed almost peaceful, relaxed. The tubes and wires covered his entire body and even with the advanced technology Wakanda possessed, they could exactly figure out what was wrong with the man. The impact had been so severe that even though he seemed stable, that could change at any second. Removing the gauntlet from a dying man had been a process all on it's own and as Peter stared at the limb where Mr. Stark's hand used to be, he couldn't help but wonder what the man would feel upon realizing that it was gone. 

Better than dying, that was for sure.

"Hey, Earth to Spider-boy." Shuri said and Peter turned around again. The nickname was annoying, but he knew it was what everyone was thinking. Man didn't describe him too well just yet. 

"Spiderman." He corrected and she grinned, a happy little laugh that proved she had won no matter what. "Everyone loves Mr. Stark. How is that surprising?" 

His question didn't seem to make her want to reconsider and she simply shrugged. "I mean, most of them are gone by now. They're probably expecting an answer soon, but they're not here, anxious and scared." She said and Peter searched for a dig, but there wasn't one. Shuri seemed genuinely curious and Peter felt like he was in a version of therapy he wasn't paying for. 

"I thought he died." Peter finally said. The answer probably wouldn't make sense to most people, but this was a girl who lost her father and for long believed that she had lost her brother as well. "He was dead. We still don't know how..." He spoke, but the words caught in his throat and he looked away. "This is a miracle. Every breath he takes is a miracle. It's my job to stand right here."


	3. Chapter 3

Peter only met Mr. Barnes a month into his stay in Wakanda. It was surprising to run into a familiar face after such a long time, but it was a welcome change nonetheless. Unlike Pepper, Steve and himself, who looked an awful lot like foreigners in the kingdom, Mr. Barnes seemed to fit right in from the clothes to his current living situation. Being a New Yorker through and through, Peter found it a bit odd to spend time at the farm, but it was still an enjoyable change and something he felt like Mr. Barnes could benefit from as well.

All and all, he looked lonely. 

The aftermath of the war seemed to have taken a toll on each and every single one of them, but Peter could see that whatever was affecting Mr. Barnes ran much deeper than that. There was a deep kindness to the man, but the symptoms of the war were clear as day on every single one of his smiles. 

Peter read about him. A lot. Even though he found Captain America quite interesting, the story of James Buchanan Barnes really drew him in from the start. Peter couldn't help but feel connected to the man even though the stories were unlike anything he was witnessing in real life. The Winter Soldier. The man was a ghost up until the Sokovia agreement, until the untimely death of king T'Chaka. Then, every single one of his tales seemed to rise to the surface. The horrors of his past, the ethical debate regarding his freedom. 

Peter watched. A lot. 

He knew it was probably annoying. Even though Peter was young, he wasn't blind to his own flaws. He could imagine that Mr. Barnes would rather not be in the receiving end of his long stares, but Peter simply couldn't help himself. Whenever he looked at Steve Rogers, he could see the man people would kill and die for, could see the spirit that long sustained the war and kept evil from winning. When he looked at Mr. Barnes, all he saw was someone attempting to gain some inner peace. 

Peter only gathered the strength to talk to him a week into his discovery and Mr. Barnes chuckled when he finally knocked. 

~

Peter never thought he would feed and take care of three unruly goats. Mr. Barnes' hands were magic when it came to the farm animals, but they had no respect for Peter whatsoever. It was understandable, of course, but it didn't make the situation less annoying. After his third long lick of the day, Mr. Barnes tossed him an ice cube and told him that perhaps it would help.

"Do you miss New York?" Peter eventually asked. He usually strayed from personal questions, for obvious reasons. Mr. Barnes never had a knee jerk response to anything he said, but that didn't mean that Peter didn't fear a possible bad reaction. He trusted Mr. Barnes enough not to ever hurt him, so he didn't want to hurt the man either, even unintentionally.

Mr. Barnes shrugged. "I miss the pizza." He smiled and Peter chuckled, looking down at his feet. The goat's most recent aim was his jacket, so Peter ripped it from it's mouth and grumbled. "But I haven't been there in a long time. I'm sure it changed a lot from what I remember."

"Since before the war?" Peter asked and Mr. Barnes seemed a bit puzzled by the question. He was probably there countless times after, but not as himself. "Sorry." Peter rushed to say, but the man shook his head as if it was not a big deal. 

He smiled. "It used to be the best place a guy my age could live before the war. I wasn't much older than you are now." He said and Peter caught himself thinking. As awful as the world and the government was now, he couldn't imagine watching friends and family being drafted into a war they had a much larger chance not to return from. Mr. Barnes' survival was a miracle in itself, but Peter doubted the man saw it that way due to the reason why he was saved. "I can see your brain spinning inside your skull, Parker. It's fine. I'm made partially of steel, not glass." 

"I... Sorry. I mean, no. Sorry." Peter babbled and immediately wanted to crawl into a hole and die. His talking too much was not something that had changed at all and it was only directed at different people now. Mr. Barnes -- Bucky, immediately laughed at that and Peter cracked a smile at that, looking down at his feet. As he did that, he noticed that the goat had enjoyed his moment of not paying attention and had started yet another attack to his jacket. 

~

"How's Stark doing?" Bucky finally asked. Peter was on his way outside, almost a foot out the door when he finally heard the words. It was the first time he was asked that by the man and he knew it had to be a step for him, a hard line to cross. Pepper had no issues with him or Steve visiting, but Barnes never crossed those boundaries. Steve had been there a handful of times, but the clear guilt in his eyes was just too much to take. Peter preferred to avoid those days, staying at the hospital only when it was himself, Shuri or Pepper gazing at Tony's sleeping self. 

Peter shrugged. "Mostly the same?" He said, turning back around and facing the man. The small hut could barely fit the two of them, but it was clear that Mr. Barnes enjoyed his first version of a home in a very long time. "Shuri said there isn't much she can do. Dr. Helen stopped by a few weeks ago, but she hasn't seen any improvement with the nano-molecular things. No one really knows why he isn't waking up or what the stones did to him." Peter admitted.

"Right." Barnes responded after a stretch of a second and sighed, reaching for his caffeine. Alcohol was strictly off limits (doctor's orders), so his coffee intake was almost scary. 

Peter considered leaving at that. It was clear that whatever thought Barnes was having, it wasn't going to reach the surface. "He's going to be fine." Peter added and the words seemed to trigger something. The emotions in the soldier's eyes were always cloaked, hidden under the surface. Even his smiles were not fully genuine and Peter learned that that was not going to change long ago.

Until now.

"You don't know that." He said. There wasn't anger in his eyes, but an odd sense of sorrow that Peter couldn't place. As far as he was aware, they didn't mean a single thing to one another. They had a shared past, but not one that would cause Barnes to hurt at the thought of Tony's passing. He wasn't to blame in any shape or form for this and yet, it was the first change Peter saw in his eyes in the time he knew the man.

Peter blinked. A second and the thought hit him like a pile of bricks. "He never... You never fixed things, right?"

"There's nothing to fix." Bucky said and Peter looked down. They both knew it was not true, but he had no desire to damage the fleeting almost-friendship they built in the past month and a half. 

"He would have forgiven you, Mr. Barnes." Pete said. As terrifying as talking was, he knew that he wouldn't be himself if he didn't. Talking was his favorite thing to do, after all. "I... I don't know that for sure, but... He would have understood. Maybe not right away, but with time." Peter murmured. He hoped Mr. Stark would have that time, would be able to mend and fix the frayed edges that he left behind. It wouldn't be fair to anyone around him if he didn't.

Barnes' expression was a puzzle once more. Peter liked to think of himself as a people person and someone who could understand another person's struggles to some extent, but the soldier challenge every notion of that he ever had. "You should go home, Peter. It's getting dark."

Peter. 

Peter.

Not 'Parker'. 

"Don't piss yourself in excitement, kid."

~


	4. Chapter 4

"That's cheating!" 

Shuri's gleeful laugh filled the room and Peter laughed along with her. After two excrutiating months of sitting next to Tony Stark's almost lifeless body, the friendship was easy and it made sense, at least considering that they were both nerdy teens facing odd situations in life that didn't define anyone else their age. 

They, of course, used those similarities to play darts and eat complete garbage.

"It's not cheating. I'm just.. Guiding it." Peter said, grinning as he watched the web linger in front of him, still connected to the dart that was nested neatly in the perfect middle of the board. Shuri huffed, yanking at the web and rolling her eyes. "You know, those are strong. Stronger than..." 

"Steel cables that width, I know. You said that five hundred times, spider freak." She shot back and Peter grinned, reaching forward to yank at the darts and start playing again. 

Then, the noise. It hit both of them like a truck and Shuri immediately jumped to her feet in shock. Peter did the same, looking around the room. The last patient besides Tony had been released earlier that morning, what could only mean that the beeping was not good. Not good at all. 

"Give me the paddles!" Shuri yelled. They were alone. In the beginning, there was a small, yet meaningful medical staff in the room. A nurse, a general doctor that mostly sat together playing cards. They were not careful enough, settling into the routine and expecting that nothing would go wrong.

Then, of course it did. 

As the monitor attempted to flatline, squiggly lines jumping as the paddles shook his bones and nearly crushed bones, Peter wanted to cry. It happened so quickly and for no reason at all. His health seemed stable for most of the week, with no signs of any change. After surviving the stones, he couldn't die like that. Not in a sad, empty hospital bed, unable to see the miracles of the technology that was keeping him alive in the first place. 

"Peter! I said clear!" Shuri yelled again and Peter jumped back, realizing that she had been trying to move again and he was standing awkwardly in the way. The trauma was the most obvious explanation, but he felt so stupid, a helpless child facing one of the most difficult moments of his young life. He was watching Tony die. Again.

~

 

"Where is he?!" Pepper's voice filled the room, accompanied by Steve. Peter had no idea how the news even reached her so fast, but he stepped away from the bed as soon as she joined them. Even though he was currently playing a role in Tony's life that could certainly be seen as familial, Pepper was his wife, the one person he truly had in this world. It was hard to walk, to find the strength to move aside as his shaky hands and feet were far from reliable in a time of crisis. 

Shuri explained the situation much like a doctor would. Tony was currently stable and no longer in danger, but they couldn't tell what caused the crash. It was sudden, dangerous and she would have to continue running tests to make sure that there were no lasting effects. 

Peter listened in silence as Pepper reached for his hand, pressing her husband's cold knuckles against her lips. The guilt made Peter turn around, sharing a long glance with Steve before walking towards the balcony. The building was tall enough that Peter could see almost the entirety of the fields around the hospital, the beautiful animals and farms surrounding the area. Peter blinked away tears as he tried to focus on anything he possibly could, on the grass or the farmers, any movement that would keep his brain from going in circles, thinking about what he had just witnessed. 

When a gentle hand rested on his shoulder, Peter turned around, expecting Shuri or Steve. After losing track of how long he spent in that balcony, it should be no surprise that Pepper was the one who came looking for him. The woman who was usually poised looked slightly disheveled after having to run all the way to where her husband was inches away from a fate none of them wanted to witness. "Hey." She said, turning him around while resting both of her hands on his shoulders. It only took a minute before Peter crumbled under the touch, allowing himself to melt against her like a little kid, barely keeping in his sobs. He knew it wasn't fair. He was crying to the woman who nearly lost her husband, the woman whose everything was lying in a hospital bed with very little hope for a better tomorrow. 

Weak.

Pathetic.

"Hey." She said again before he could drift into his own thoughs, swimming in his own mind. "Look at me." Pepper said. "I shouldn't... I shouldn't have let you stay. Tony wouldn't have wanted you to see that..." She murmured against his hair and Peter shook his head. He was not going to let her be upset or feel guilty over anything at all, especially not this. 

"I wanted to stay. I mean, I want to stay. I don't want to go home." He pleaded. "If I weren't here, I couldn't have helped Shuri. I want to stay." He repeated but it felt more and more like a losing battle as Pepper stared at him with the most mournful look in her eyes. "I'm not just some kid. I can handle whatever everyone needs me to handle." He continued and Pepper shook her head once more. 

"I'm not saying you can't, Pete." She said, squeezing both of his hands at once. "I'm saying you shouldn't have to. Tony always wanted to protect you -- always. This isn't some battlefield, but it's just as hard." 

Peter felt his eyes burning once more as he desperately wanted to disappear, to just run out of the room and out of his own head. "I'm not leaving." He repeated himself. As much as it hurt to go against what Pepper wished, some choices were not as clean cut and easy as many would have believed. 

~

 

After an eternity of standing there with the weight of the world against his chest, Peter finally excused himself. Shuri and Steve were no longer in the room and Peter made sure that Tony was being properly watched by the medical team before slipping outside. The room that was previously set up for him was not far from the tower, but Peter knew that the silence and empty spaces would make him go mad once more.

It was much easier to walk around Wakanda than it would have been in his home. After being offered a ride by a kind stranger, Peter found himself hopping off the bike at some point near Barnes' shed and walking around for a while before finally gathering the courage to knock. At some point during his stay, Peter realized that he enjoyed the shared silence between himself and the soldier, the hours working together and the single cup of tea he was offered after spending far too long feeding the goats. It wasn't exactly a friendship, per se, but Peter wanted to believe that he was welcome.

The property was not big at all, but it had it's challenges. The area in the back was a considerable slope and whenever life was just too much for the soldier, he enjoyed walks in areas that could potentially leave someone very stranded. Taking a leap of faith and hoping that he could trust his skills when it came to following directions, Peter began the stroll down the hill, recounting his steps in case he didn't find Bucky at all. 

That turned out not to be a problem at all when he finally spotted a large oak tree and not one, but two figures sitting under it. 

Peter blinked in disbelief as he watched Steve rest his head against the soldier's shoulder, tugging slightly at his shirt. It seemed like a very intimate, precious moment that Peter definitely didn't feel the need to involve himself in. Instead, he took small, careful steps back away, hoping that he would not be seen. It was certainly not his smartest moment, considering that the pair of eyes not far away immediately detected movement much like a bird of prey would, looking for danger. 

"I... Hey, you guys." Peter said, awkwardly, shoving his hands into his pockets. 

Barnes' laughter was such a sudden change of his usual pace that Peter caught himself staring. He wasn't sure if it was Steve's presence or the awkwardness of the situation, but it was nice to hear the man laugh and to see his smile. Certainly the best part of his day so far.

"Hey, kid." Steve shot back and Peter looked down at his feet. "You need something?" 

"Oh, uh, definitely not. Not at all."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I just wanted to write some lighthearted Steve x Bucky in the end, even though it's completely unrelated. Sorry if the chapter feels a bit out of place, I'm currently struggling with finding the pace for this story. I haven't watched FFH just yet, so please keep that in mind. Criticism is always welcome! Love u guys)


End file.
